Never wear a spandex suit when around Japanese children....

Why is it that I always need a weekend to recover from the weekends in Japan? I guess that's a pretty good sign that I'm living it up...

Early Morning Refelections

I DON'T WANT TO GO TO WORK TODAY I ONLY HAVE ONE CLASS WHERE I'LL JUST READ FROM THE TEXTBOOK AND THEN I'LL BE SITTING AT THE COMPUTER ALL DAY WONDERING IF PEOPLE ARE JUDGING ME FOR SURFING THE INTERNET AND NOT WORKING BUT YOU CAN ONLY READ THE SAME JAPANESE TEXTBOOK OVER AND OVER AND THEY SHOULD UNDERSTAND THAT I'M GOING CRAZY I MEAN I AGREED TO GO TO WORK THIS SUNDAY SO THEY SHOULD SEE HOW I'M WILLING TO PARTICIPATE ESPECIALLY SINCE I'M GOING TO THEIR ENKAIS ON BOTH FRIDAY AND SUNDAY NIGHT WHEN I COULD BE DOING OTHER COOL WEEKEND STUFF LIKE GOING TO TOKYO AGAIN OR SOMETHING. IF I HAD ANY BALLS I'D TAKE THE AFTERNOON OFF AND SIT AROUND MY HOME IN MY UNDERWEAR BUT I HAVE TO BE AT SCHOOL LATE TO HELP WITH THE DAMN SPEECH CONTEST. I ALSO PAID DAMN GOOD MONEY FOR THE SCHOOL LUNCH SO I'M GOING TO EAT IT DAMN YOU! ALSO I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO THROW AWAY TRASH WHENEVER YOU WANT! IT'S TURNED MY PLACE INTO A MESS! I ALSO NEED A BIGGER WASHING MACHINE! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Oh yeah, the leaves are starting to change, THAT MEANS I'M GOING TO BE FREEZING MY ASS OFF IN MY UNHEATED APARTMENT SOON! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

I taught Elementary school! (and boy is my ass tired)

Ok, long time no blog. I know. I've been so tired lately that writing has been the last thing on my mind. I've been doing some pretty interesting stuff lately. Last weekend we went to Yokohama and Tokyo (pictures soon to come), the weekend before we went to a huge soccer tournament/insane party in Nagano (I was at one point naked in a room full of people) and the weekend before that I was in Kyoto (fun but too many temples). I haven't had a free weekend since early September and it's slowly been wearing me down.

Despite all the crazy adventures I've had as of late, today I had my biggest adventure of all: my first day of elementary school. While elementary school is much more fun than middle school, it's also much more work (especially since I do jackshit at middle school). For elementary school we have to plan our own 45 minute lessons with children that have next to no English ability. You also have to keep the class moving so you have to plan many different activities and games without relying on 20 minutes of lecture to fill the time. Needless to say I was very nervous (mostly about the lesson but also about the dreaded kancho I hear so much about).

One of the main difficulties I had in the lesson planning process was not knowing what English the kids already knew. The teachers also wanted me to spend the majority of the class teaching them about America and Colorado. I gathered many pictures of Colorado, sports teams, flags, money etc. That I was hoping to fill about 25 minutes of class. I then planned to spend the rest of the class on greetings and teaching the kids the song "head a shoulders knees and toes". I also brought a lot of random junk just in case I need to fill the time.

When I arrived at the school I was escorted by two little 3rd grade children into the classroom. I was introduced to about 33 children amazed at my height and hair color. I began by having the kids stand up while I walked between them, stopping to ask random kids their names. This turned into a fun game as kids desperately tried to avoid being picked. This went on successfully for about 5 minutes and I began to feel more comfortable and less nervous.

Then it was time to start the America lesson! I pulled out a map of America and showed them Colorado. I then showed them a book full of pictures from Colorado and showed them cities/mountain/animals. I had allotted 5 minutes for this, it took about two. Then I brought out a bunch of random American things: an oversized dollar bill, pictures of the Denver Broncos/Nuggets, various foods and the Colorado flag. I had planned about 10 minutes for this (including using the pictures to teach colors). Unfortunately, the kids already knew all the colors and were aware of pretty much everything I showed them. I only spent about 3 minutes on these.

Next I decided to break up the class by teaching them "head and shoulders knees and toes", but guess what! They already knew the song! They enjoyed it anyway but it was clear that I couldn't spend 10-15 minutes on it like I had planned. So there I was, about halfway through the class and almost done with my planned materials.

The only part of my plan left was to teach the family since I was fairly sure they hadn't been taught that. Wrong again! I spent a few more minutes just reviewing the family and showing them pictures of my family. I tossed out a game I had planned for the family as well (a half-assed rip off of heads-up 7-up). At this point I was out of planned material and decided to turn to the various random crap in my bag (fruits, animals, numbers).

To make a long story short, the knew all of these too and were obviously getting bored. They had been listening to me jabber for awhile and they needed a physical activity. The first thing the came to mind was Simon says (especially since we had done the head/shoulders song earlier). I was half expecting the kids to already know the game but mercifully they did not. I spent awhile explaining the game with the help of the elementary school teacher and played a few rounds. It was a rousing success.

After class the kids came up and mauled me, demanding handshakes, high-fives and signatures. I felt like a celebrity while signing dozens of autographs for children. I was eventually able to break free and make my way back down to the teacher's room where I would have an hour and a half break in which to rest and make my new battle plan for the next lesson. Despite my relative success with the first class I was still pretty nervous for the second class. I didn't want to repeat all the boring stuff they already knew but I didn't have anything else with me to teach different material to them. I decided I would just have to slow things down and hope that some brilliant idea would come to me in class.

My second class was more of the same. A few kids came down to escort me, the kids were incredibly shocked and amazed by my height and I once again blew through all my planned material. I had changed the order of what we were doing so that Simon says was earlier in the class. This class had more trouble understanding the game that the other class (the elementary school teacher didn't help this time) so it took substantially more time to teach. They eventually all understood and I thought we would play a few rounds before going back to the boring material which they already knew. Once we were done playing I said good job and went back to my boring bag of pictures; however, a Christmas miracle happened. Instead of sitting down, the kids began to chant "MOU IKKAI! MOU IKKAI!". This means "one more time" in Japanese. I caved in to their wishes (for obvious reasons) and began to play again and again and again. It turned out to work out find because I could keep adding more words and actions to try and trip them up. We burned up the rest of the time playing Simon says until it was time for the end of class autrograph session.

Two classes down, one to go. But first it was time for lunch! I continued to get the celebrity treatment as I was escorted to my chair and served food by a bunch of 9 year olds. It was around this time that I felt a few fingers poke at my asshole. I would not stand for this! I grabbed the offender by their fingers and slowly and carefully made my way to the desk where my anus would be safe. I then commenced eating with the students as they asked me things like "how old are you" and "do you like Mario?". I was actually amazed at their conversational skills, these kids said more to me than most of my middle school students! The kids were also very anxious to be near me. I had a few girls just come up to me just so they could hold hands with me, it was actually very touching.

After lunch it was cleaning time. The kids had a giant rock, paper, scissors game to see who would be lucky enough to clean with me. I ended up on the floor sweeping team and continued my student interaction. I managed to avert any more kanchoing by teaching the boys an American bully trick: the noogie. From that point on they became focused on digging their knuckles into eachother's heads instead of poking me in the anus. I think that may well have been my shining moment as a teacher thus far. After cleaning I then went outside to play a strange dodgeball variation with the students. Good times, good times.

The last class was a piece of cake. I followed the "blow through the pictures then play Simon Says forever" format and it worked like a charm. Maybe I'll just play Simon says for every elementary school class, I don't think I could do any better than that. After class I signed my last bunch of autographs and made my way for the train back home.

All and all I'd say it was a good day. The kids were happy, I had fun and the elementary school teachers got an hour rest. I'm extremely tired but thankfully I have two weeks to rest before the next batch of lessons. I'm going to teach Halloween and wrap kids up in toilet paper. I'll try and take pictures!

I'll update my blog when I'm good and ready! Don't you forget it!