Here I am at 11:30 in the morning watching soccer. More specifically, I'm watching the Fifa world cup which I guess is a pretty big deal in the soccer world, but this is just a educated guess. Right now it's Ghana vs. the Czech Republic with Ghana leading 2-0 82 minutes into it.

That's right, two goals scored in 82 minutes...

I decided to watch because everybody in the world seems to love this sport except Americans. I played soccer for several years when I was really young, but even then I don't think I would ever voluntarily watch a game. Hell, right now I'm more focused on why my breath is still so garlicy from the pasta even though I've brushed my teeth multiple times since lunch yesterday. Why won't my garlic breath go away?!

Anyways, here's my working theory. In the more uneventful sports like Baseball and Soccer you have much more time to focus on getting drunk. When somebody eventually does score a goal, it's that much more exciting, especially when you're about to puke on whoever it is sitting in front of you. Americans must be more victims of the MTV generation than the rest of the world. We need that constant stimulation of goal scored, touch downs and home runs to go along with our heavy drinking. I also think the lack of collisions hurts the sport. There needs to be more serious injuries in soccer dammit!

Now excuse me as I try to get rid of this damn garlic taste in my mouth...